Why Kids Won't Practice - Part 4

Here is the last post to the Practice Series, 

just in time for Tuesday's Parent Education Event! 

Missed the other reasons as to Why Kids Won't Practice? 

Click HERE to find out and get some inspiration on how to approach practice.

#15 - Perfectionism
The perfectionist at any age deals with daily battles because making a mistake, no matter how small, can seem like the end of the world. A child with a perfectionist mindset needs to constantly be reminded that making mistakes is okay and that mistakes allow us to learn and grow. As parents and teachers we must model this behaviour and not put ourselves down when we make mistakes. We must make our expectations for a child crystal clear and to remember to praise the effort, not just the outcome.

#16 - Practice is a maturity thing
Although young children can be taught about responsibility and grow independence year after year, it cannot be expected of them to do everything on their own. We must guide them in getting their homework done, on the importance of eating a balanced meal, getting enough exercise, and practicing their violin. Help your child learn the habit of healthy daily routines now and it will pay off into their teenage and adult years when you won't always be there to make sure they get things done!

#17 - You are your child's biggest influence

If you don't want to practice, neither will your child. If you find it relaxing and calming listening to the Suzuki cd in the car with your child, they will feel this joy with you. If you turn your attention to your cell phone during lesson, your child's attention won't be on the lesson either. What you do, positive or negative, your child imitates. Take time to self reflect on your attitude towards violin lessons and other areas in your life. Be who you want your child to become.

#18 - You are using too many big words
As much as we want to explain and educate children, there is a time and place where words can be effective. Over explaining and using too many words can sometimes loose a child, not because they are incapable of understanding, but because they are not currently in the right state to focus on the words. Children love to do things, so when words are letting you down, DO what you are trying so tirelessly to explain. Not only is doing an activity more fun then just talking about it, but they will probably connect what you were trying to explain to them quicker and more efficiently. 

#19 - Check your tone

This is not to mean the tone on the violin, but our tone as adults. Children can read the slight tonal differences in our voices. They can tell when we become frustrated, if we are satisfied with a practice spot or if it needs to be better. Remember that you are in this together. You are working as a team to complete practice assignments. It is not a time to be critical of one another, but to support one another in this journey of learning an instrument. If something still is not clicking between you and your child during practice, record a practice session and review it with teacher. You may be surprised to see reactions that you didn't know you were making but are upsetting the practice session nonetheless.

#20 - Being firm is not being mean

Being firm is loving your child. It means parenting. As soon as a child starts dictating when they will take a bath, what they will eat for dinner, or that there will be absolutely no music today, we've lost the parenting reins. Be firm, stand your ground, and ride this wave with your child. The storm will pass and you will both be in a better place because of it. Stay strong and connect with other parents in your community. You are not alone.

#21 - Play games, all sorts!

Children love to play games and it is so simple to take a teachable moment and turn it into a game that means something to a child. Copy the games your teacher uses in lesson and make up your own games that you think cater to your child's interests.

#22 - Turn off the TV and other electronic devices!
Do I need to say more?

Happy Practicing!

Why Kids Won't Practice - Part 3

To start off the New Year and many more topics to come, here's continuing the Practice Series - 22 Reasons Why Kids Won't Practice. To see past issues, click here.

Have you found any reasons that may apply to your family? Or maybe you recall a reason that you experienced in the past but have overcome? Bring your thoughts and experiences to Tuesday's parent education session!

#11 - Your child doesn't know how to practice, what to practice or why it is important
Children fully understand instant gratification. What they need to develop is a work ethic in order to achieve success. These are the life skills that they receive through Suzuki lessons. As hard as it may be sometimes, it is important to allow children to struggle. By struggling through a challenge, children learn how a bit of hard work can pay off and that just because something is difficult in the beginning, we have tools to make things easier and help us complete challenges.

#12 - Lack of parent involvement
If left up to the child, it is highly unlikely that they will ever initiate practice on their own. It is always the parents responsibility to organize, schedule and initiate practice. Students who practice alone too early on develop bad habits because they never know if they are doing something correctly or incorrectly. The more involved the parent, the more involved the child. If the parent doesn't express good practice habits, neither will the child. Suzuki lessons are designed for Parent, Teacher and Child to all work together to learn to play the violin; this is the Suzuki Triangle. The process will collapse without all sides supporting one another.

#13 - No results from practice
There are times where it seems like we hit a wall in our practice and nothing seems to be improving. When the teacher assigns the same thing every week, our motivation can start to wane. What we need to consider is are we doing everything teacher is asking us to do each week? Are we doing it at home the same as we do in lesson? Be honest and open about practice at home so that your teacher can deduce what needs to change with practice so we can see progress again. However, sometimes certain techniques or pieces just take longer and need a settling in time. There is nothing wrong with this and it is important to not be in such a rush to move on. The journey is what matters and sometimes the process of waiting and struggling through and not giving up on a spot can teach us way more than if it all came easily.

#14 - Inconsistency
This one is huge. Inconsistency in all areas of our life can create confusion and insecurity, especially in a child's world. When we are consistent, we are setting the expectation that this is the routine, this is the way things are, and there is no changing that. They may still fight you on it, but one way or another, the activity will still always happen. Children will except this and fall into the routine. If parents are inconsistent, children know they can get away with fussing because the parent hasn't put a high priority on the activity. Daily actions mean high priority and children understand this.

Why Kids Won't Practice - Part 2

#6 - Your child may feel overwhelmed
When students show up to lesson late and/or unprepared they may become overwhelmed. Always be honest with your teacher as to how the practice week went so they can accurately judge what needs to be assigned for next week and what needs to be communicated more clearly. Showing up late for lessons and classes creates a panic upon entering class and it can become exhausting to constantly hear teacher say they need to be on time. It's not nice for anyone to start lesson off with a lecture. Come to lesson prepared as a parent and student team to declare to teacher how the practice week went. Never blame one another. The Suzuki triangle (parent, student and teacher) is critical for providing a safe learning environment for children.

Manhesset has released coloured stands! I'm on a hunt for a red one. 
What a cool Christmas gift!

#7 - Lack of communication and responsibility on the parent's end
When parent and teacher are not on the same page, it's the child that suffers. If you need something from teacher that you are not getting (clearer instructions, notes, motivational ideas, practice tips and ideas) please speak up! Tell teacher what you need, don't assume that we can read your mind! If things are hectic at home, maybe there is a death in the family or a new baby, you're renovating your home or preparing for a move, tell your teacher! If your teacher understands the lifestyle changes happening at home, they can make adjustments and understand better as to why there may be changes in progress.

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#8 - There is no set practice routine
Everyone is busy. Everyone has their own routine and lifestyle and what works for one family will not necessarily work for another. Regardless, every family is capable of and needs to set a practice routine. Maybe its first thing in the morning or right after school. It could be attached to an activity like right after school, right after dinner or before snack time. Whatever your routine, keep it consistent. Never skip a day because it is too busy. You are never too busy to play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star thinking about a strong bent thumb or tall violin for example. One minute of playing is always better then no playing at all and it shows your child that practice is something that you value and is important enough never to skip.

#9 - Negativity makes practice harder

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Practice time needs to be a safe place where mistakes are okay. Never yell, scream, nag, bribe or use practice as a punishment. Any negative association to practice will make it that much harder to initiate. Give lots of positive feedback and praise when it's really deserved. Keep following this series, make adjustments where you deem appropriate, and you may find that any negativity there once was has lessened or even vanished.

#10 - There is no set practice space
Practice can be almost impossible if it isn't free from distraction. Creating a set practice space also shows that you value this activity and that it is a safe place for the two of you to learn together. Keep all supplies organized and easily accessible. The more convenient the space the more productive you will be (have a stand to keep books, a binder for notes, pencils, a cd player for active listening, a chromatic tuner to check tuning and even invest in a violin stand. No more unpacking your instrument when you want to play!)

Why Kids Won't Practice - Part 1

This is the start of a 4 part series I'll be doing based off an article in the September 2014 Issue of the Suzuki Association of the Americas journal entitled, "Help! My Child Won't Practice: Twenty-two Reasons Why Your Child Isn't Practicing."

Just because your child doesn't want to practice, doesn't mean they don't want to play! Follow this series to solve any practice problems that may be happening at home.

#1 - Too Many Activities
Over scheduling is a common topic now a days. We all want to do so much, try different things and give our children well rounded experiences. However, children need time to just be children! Try choosing only 1 or 2 programs that you will commit to, and spend weekends or free evenings trying other non-committal activities (playing at a soccer field, taking an art class at Michael's, seeing a woodwind trio at the University, travelling to a museum for the day, etc). It is your job, not your child's job, to decide what your child will be involved in. It's okay to say no to other activities! Children will learn more when they stick with one activity and struggle through it to learn the skill then to float from activity to activity. No skills can develop without time and persistence. Don't let your children float; commitment is key to developing strong character traits.

#2 - Lack of Motivation
Ask teacher for motivation tips, but it is up to you to implement these tips and keep the motivation going. Listening to the CD and attending recitals and concerts, observing other lessons and coming to group class regularly are all basic motivators. 

• Try different practice charts or ways to keep track of practice and/or other chores at home. 
• Print off new charts or games to play review pieces or complete 100 charts for working pieces. 
• Develop a goal system where children work toward a month of everyday practice and they get an ice cream treat or a trip to the movies or something you will all enjoy. 
• Play for friends and family. 
• Play review pieces all piano or all forte, play with an upside down bow, play on one foot, play with the strongest bent thumb or the tallest violin for one song. Or do 10 in a row! 

Encourage, try something new, and encourage some more. Remember, motivation comes in waves as it will in every aspect of our lives at any age we are! Ride these waves with your children and do not get discouraged. It's just the way of life!

#3 - Out of Tune Instrument
Children know when their violin does not sound right and they will not want to play it. This is very frustrating when trying to practice. Invest in a chromatic tuner and learn with teachers help how to tune it yourself, come to group and lessons every week to get violin tuned or call teacher to arrange a time to tune the violin if needed.

#4 - No Rosin on the Bow
Once again, children know when their violin does not sound right. Try rosining the bow once per week. Although allow your child the independence of rosining their own bow, give it a good scrub yourself as sometimes children are too light with the rosin. If white dust starts flying there is too much rosin. Don't put anymore on for a few days. If the bow is sliding around and not gripping the strings, put some rosin on right away.

#5 - Your child doesn't know what to practice
Young children cannot be expected to know what to practice. That's why parents are encouraged to take notes and refer to the practice chart. Ask questions before the lesson ends. Try discussing together in the car ride after lesson what teacher assigned for the week. If something isn't clear when you get home, don't waste a week being unclear! Contact teacher and ask to clarify.