Parent Ed Night Fall 2019 Recap

Thank you Suzuki Parents for a great discussion last night! You submitted some important questions and as a whole had some informative answers. Thank you for your continued support in Amy's Violin School and in your child's music education. Your involvement is key to your child's success and is what makes this such an amazing Suzuki Music Community.

Here is a recap of what we spoke about last along with a few other ideas we maybe didn't get to. Use these as reference when needed and also seek out advise from your teacher and other parents when practice struggles inevitably happen.

1. How can I make practicing an advanced technique (or any technique) exciting for my child?

• not everything we work on should be exciting. It is important to let kids struggle and even fail. Technique takes time and we all want immediate results which is what can make the process of learning technique frustrating.
• repetition/progress charts are great as tangible evidence of our work over a period of time. From this, we realize what it takes to see growth and how much effort it takes.
• videoing our practice can also keep us motivated. Even though we sometimes can't see the differences we make week to week, keeping a video record can give us a true perspective of our progress.

2. It's easy to stay motivated to practice during studio challenges. How can I keep this going once the challenges are done?

• set up your own family challenge, something specific that your child needs to work on
• discuss these with your teacher so they can support your child's efforts towards a certain goal
• studio challenges are designed to inspire students to look at their practice in a different way. Not every child is motivated by each challenge. Some are really motivated. Pick and choose what you think will work for your family based on what we have tried in the studio.

3. How do I encourage my child to not rush through practice & how long should a student practice?

(these questions were not together when we discussed them, but I think go hand in hand. If practice is being done correctly, rushing shouldn't be much of an issue).

• there are many reasons a student might rush practice such as: it's fun to play fast, they are not sure what to practice or how to practice it, they are distracted, they want to get to their next activity for the day, etc.
• the main way to eliminate rushing is being clear on exactly what to practice and how to practice it. This normally then determines how long practice will be.
• if a student is still playing pieces or practice spots too fast, try setting a metronome or setting a timer saying that practice will be done after so many minutes but only if practiced slowly and accurately. 
• THE LONG ANSWER to how long a student should practice: Picture two students are the same age, playing the same piece and both practice for 30 minutes. The first student does run through after run through for 30 minutes while the other student takes out just the tricky parts and repeats them over and over again until they sound better. Which student am I going to be happy with their efforts when they come to lesson? 
• Run throughs are fun, but they aren't necessarily practice - they are just playing. When we have the discipline to tackle specifically the problem spots of the piece and do them over and over again, we are practicing productively. A lot of times, we are getting a lot more accomplished in a shorter amount of time as well because small repetition spots take a lot less time to play, even a bunch of times, then playing through our entire piece. It's the quality of the practice that is important and not the quantity.
• THE SHORT ANSWER to how long a student should practice: a very young beginner can start with 1 minute of focused practice. This is a success. If you can repeat this success and make it a habit and consistent, then you can grow from that. Students in Book 1&2 should be practicing around 30 minutes, Books 3&4 30-60 minutes and Books 5+ 60 minutes or more. This is still age dependent and practice sessions may need to be split up throughout the day to get everything done.

4. What should my parent role be in my teenagers musical life? How can I still be involved and yet respect their independence?

• Inquire, ask questions (and try asking them in different ways), show up, be available, and have one on one moments regular with them doing something you both enjoy.
• Even if you do all the things above, your teenager still might groan, tell you to stop nagging them, to leave them alone, say they don't want you there, etc. They have that right and they have the right to make mistakes and to fail.
• By always showing an interest and by showing up, no matter how much they push you away, they know that you will be there when they need you. When they are struggling they will know that they can come to you, not necessarily to fix their problems for them, but to support them in their struggles and to offer them guidance and support. This will carry this on into their adult life where one day they truly realize just how amazing you have always been!

5. When should we listen to the Suzuki recordings?

• daily - build a routine and a habit out of it, always turning it on at the same time or during the same activity.
• in the background, in the car, during meals, play, homework, bedtime, etc.

6. What are some ways to make practicing more convenient?

• setting a schedule that works for the student and the family and then commit to it.
• invest in a violin stand so that the violin is always out are ready to be played
• knowing exactly what you are going to play and practice can make picking it up and getting it done a lot simpler than sorting through practice charts and sheet music
• HAVE A PLAN AND COMMIT! 

7. Some weeks of practice go great and other weeks it goes horrible. Despite keeping things consistent, why can practice productivity fluctuate so much?

• because we are human. Our moods change, we get sick, we plateau, we just don't feel like it, the weather changes, we change! It's not always going to be easy and we need to learn how to ride the waves of progress in everything we do, not just violin practice.
• we develop strength, discipline and learn a lot more about ourselves when we can push through those times that our progress slows. 

8. Why should I recommend the Suzuki method over other traditional methods of learning the violin?

• the Suzuki method educates the whole child, not just their musical abilities.
• through listening and review, students develop an incredible ear for music. This makes playing the violin or any instrument they choose a very natural process. Because a student is able to play by ear, they develop a vast repertoire of pieces that they can play off the top of their head because they don't need to rely on sheet music. This is an incredibly free and fun way to play. 
• the skills learned through developing practice skills on the violin can be transfered to developing any skill because of how practice spots are broken down into small manageable pieces. 
• The Suzuki method, from birth, gives children the skills they will need and use in preschool, elementary, high school and essentially life.

Lightening the Load & Changing My Mindset - Some Thoughts Before Parent Ed Night!

I've had certain expectations since before my daughter was born as to how my life would be with a child. And although many things have exceeded my expectations, some things remain unseen.

The expectation that had been weighing on me is that I would soar through early pre-twinkle lessons on the violin with my daughter (she teased me by giving me a glimpse of readiness at 18 months - what I've since realized was it was me who wasn't ready).

What I began to place the blame on was the fact that just as all the kids I've worked with in my life have been different and unique, so is my daughter. My daughter is also too wise and knows that I am a parent who is a violin teacher and not just a parent who is teaching her the violin. And there is also some genetics in there in which I hated when my own mother tried to teach me anything (she would use her "teacher voice" instead of her mom voice and I couldn't stand it! -  and now I probably do the same!).

It was far too easy to find something blame, and it was too easy to place the blame on my own daughter and I knew this wasn't right. But knowing this didn't lighten the load, it just created more frustration. Even when I realized the only person truly to blame was myself, knowing this was really just an excuse because the reasons don't really matter. What does matter is that my daughter loves music. Her face lights up when she hears me play and any time she hears the violin she asks if it is me. She is interested in so many different instruments, sings at the top of her lungs and is so creative in coming up with new ways to sing songs. She loves watching others play their instruments and always wants to be a part of lessons, group classes and recitals.

I try to remind myself daily that just because my daughter may not be taking the steps I expect her to or know she is fully capable of, does not mean that she is not taking the right steps for her. We can encourage and help anyone to take steps in a certain direction, but ultimately that individual will decide when and if they will actually take those steps and it may be in a completely different direction than what we thought.

It was only when I stopped MY EXPECTATIONS of my daughter and let her approach the violin naturally and in her own way that we both started to enjoy the process of practice more. Combining the role of Suzuki Teacher and Mother has been harder than I thought and I forget to tell myself sometimes the things I would tell my Suzuki Parents if they were in a similar situation. Not only did my daughter need to be ready to start practice everyday, but I needed to be ready for that commitment. That also meant committing to a lot of days that would not go as planned and knowing that this was okay.

Once I changed MY MINDSET on practicing with my daughter and realized that it's not going to look like how I work with other kids in lesson, we started to be able to practice everyday. Keep in mind some of these days are literally only 1 minute of practice and some days we don't even touch the violin, but we practice something from our music book together and we try to enjoy every minute. The time commitment we have made to one another has been incredible, especially on the few days when she asks and reminds me it is time to practice!

Our expectations of our kids are just that, our expectations. OUR expectations of OUR kids in OUR lives. But our kids have their own lives from the minute they are born and grow to have their own expectations. Expectations of us, themselves and of the world around them. We can grow to rely on expectations too much and they begin to define who we are or who we think we should be. If we can stop focusing so much on the end result and more on the day to day and the journey and the everyday choices we make, I think we will all end up some place greater than our original expectations of the future.